


Saber Sanctuary

by KisekiMa



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 18:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16455239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KisekiMa/pseuds/KisekiMa
Summary: This is the collection of short parodies based on a true story…I mean... seriously. The crazy Gudako is actually me playing FGO. I hope You’ll enjoy. ;P





	1. Saber Sanctuary

“Saber, Yagyū Tajima-no-Kami Munenori. From now on, I will be serving you as my Master. No matter what your command is, I shall obe... Is something wrong, Master?”

Gudako smiled awkwardly to the elegant samurai, who bowed before her with respect right after the summoning. She could feel his heavy, suspicious gaze, which made her even more uncomfortable.

“I have a feeling that you expected someone else, Master,” her new Saber said after a while of embarrassing silence. “I will prove my worth to you. I’m a rather powerful Servant, so…”

“No, it’s not... I’m actually very happy, but… just…” Gudako sighed helplessly, having no right words to explain the situation. “I know, it will be much easier to show you what I mean. Hey, Sabeeeeer!”

The sound of multiple footsteps was the clear sign that more than one Servant answered her call.

“What’s wrong, Master?” The old-timers, Siegfried and Diarmuid, entered the room first. Lancelot and Bedivere were next, and always gloomy Gilles followed right after them. The last one, Ceasar, did not even bother to come inside, only murmured something from the corridor.

All Gudako’s Servants were Sabers, of course.

“I see. That’s… a lot of male Sabers.”

“Don’t you think?” The girl laughed nervously. “Actually there are no other Servants here, except Mashu – who is rather special – and a certain Caster, who came uninvited. Only an army of male Sabers. It’s like a Saber Sanctuary.”

“Saber sanctuary… Seems like a perfect place to settle.” Yagyū Tajima-no-Kami Munenori smiled gently to his Master and Gudako smiled back, sure that this is a beginning of a wonderful friendship.


	2. The Greatest Tactician

 

“What do you want, my temporary Master?” Zhuge Liang barely glanced at Gudako, focused on some old book. “Lancelot with the sword has been defeated?”

The girl tried to suppress her anger, so she only nodded.

Caster did not seem concerned; he only shrugged and returned to reading.

“Send Lancelot with a pipe,” he said and nonchalantly turned the page.

“Really?!” That was too much for Gudako, she clenched her fists in frustration. “I went through so much trouble, including smuggling tones of cigarettes, to borrow The Greatest Tactician Zhuge Liang for my mission in Camelot, and he gives me this kind of advice?!”

Caster only smiled mockingly and reached for another cigarette.

“It worked so far, right?”

Gudako growled like a wild beast.

“I could have come up with that myself!”

“But you didn’t. You recruited ME and I won: the easiest job ever, tones of cigarettes, tons of free time and a nice trip.” The girl could only sigh, defeated. “Do you still have any doubts who is The Greatest Tactician here?”

“At least you can cast some spells, like a proper Caster!”

“Fine.” Zhuge Liang sighed and prepared a few tricks. “Now go get them, Berserker!”

“That’s my line!”

“Pettiness is the revenge of unhappy people, my temporary Master.”

Having nothing more to say, Gudako joined the fight at the castle gates, determined to not borrow this Servant ever again.


	3. Harassment

“Master, please…” Siegfried rarely bothered to complain, but this time he looked really miserable, on the verge of vomiting. “Why do I have to be in one team with that fiend?”

“What’s wrong, Siegfried? Don’t be unfair, Mephistopheles helped you more than once on the battlefield.”

“I know, but… he’s not completely normal, right?”

Gudako sighed.

“What happened this time?”

“Well, he…” Saber took a deep breath. “He licked my ear. During the last fight in London. I was so upset that I almost dropped my sword…”

To Siegfried’s further embarrassment, his Master only chuckled.

“It’s hard to blame him, honestly. You’re so sweet that I would lick you myself.”

The Dragon Slayer froze in shock, with a hot blush on his cheeks.

“Master, this is called ‘harassment’, you know?”

“You really don’t know how to deal with compliments, do you?”

“I’m really sorry, Master, but I still feel harassed, not complimented.”

That was too much for Gudako.

“Be quiet or I’ll use a Command Spell on you!”

“Now this is called ‘slavery’.”

“Shut up.”

“So…” Mephistopheles, who was apparently eavesdropping near the door, sneaked into the room. “Does it mean that I can lick him whenever I want?”

“No!” – both Gudako and Siegfried shouted in unison; even if this was the only thing they agreed to, it was enough to keep their strange relationship going.


	4. Rejoice, mongrel!

 

From the golden light inside the golden summoning circle emerged a gallant figure, so golden and shiny that Gudako had to cover her eyes.

“Muahahahahaha! Rejoice, mongrel! The King of Heroes has arrived to bully your Sabers!”

All warriors gathered in the room shivered involuntarily. Lancelot wanted to say something, but only opened his mouth and froze, like a scared fish. Gilles drew his sword in silence and Diarmuid… looked so miserable that Gudako wanted to hug him.

“What’s wrong, guys? I’ve just broken the ‘only Sabers’ curse, let’s dance!”

“Great, but why THIS Servant must have been summoned to break it?” Diarmuid sighed. “This place will never be the same again.”

“You’re right, mongrel!” Gilgamesh smiled widely. “So, where are my rooms? They must be rearranged to my liking.”

“Rearranged?” Gudako groaned, suddenly pale.

“Of course! So you dared to call for me unprepared, mongrel? At least I expect that a feast has been prepared to celebrate my arrival.”

“I warned you, Master, to not rush with the summoning.” Lancelot, finally able to speak again, helplessly shook his head. “But you were impatient, as always.”

“But… I  just wanted a Rider…”

Gilgamesh’s shameless laugher was like the final nail in Gudako’s coffin.

“Forget about it, mongrel. You must have exhausted all your luck to be able to summon me!”

No one dared to disturb Gudako, when she fell on the floor, mourning  her mercilessly trampled dreams.


	5. Rivalry

 

 “Master, why are you doing this?” Siegfried, more angry than ever, forced his way through the herd of wyverns.

“Doing what?” Gudako dodged swiftly the sword thrown by Sigurd. Gram pierced the heart of the nearest reptile, killing it immediately.

“You told us that you have enough Sabers, so why are you keep borrowing Sigurd from that other Master? You want me to prove you something or you just like to mock me?”

“You don’t like it?” The girl looked truly disappointed. “And what do you mean by ‘proving something’?”

Siegfried sighed painfully, cutting off the head of the nearest enemy. Seeing that, Sigurd did exactly the same, but using far more power.

“See, Master? This guy is more competitive than Arturia Pendragon!”

“No, I’m not!” Sigurd protested fiercely, adjusting his glasses. “It’s just… because you are an existence that is similar, yet different from mine. That sturdiness is something I am somewhat envious of. However, by no means do I intend to be outdone in a battle.”

“Yeah, right. Like I care…” Siegfried sighed again. “Is that what you wanted, Master? To observe that crazy rivalry between us?”

“Honestly?” Gudako looked serious… until she assaulted them with her smartphone. “I just thought you look cute together and wanted to take a selfie with the best dragon boys! Smile, please!”

Having no other choice, both Sabers posed for the picture with perfect smiles on their faces – and they looked together even better than Gudako could imagine.


	6. The Afternoon Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (spoiler alert: takes place during Lostbelt 2)

“Hmmpff.” Gilgamesh did not even try to hide his displeasure. “This mongrel has some guts to bring me with her to such snowy wastelands. I have no desire to freeze to death here.”

“But some things taste better in this cold, right? Like an afternoon tea… or afternoon wine… whatever.” Merlin smiled widely; although he was only a guest, borrowed from another Master, he felt like home in their mobile base. “This mulled  wine is simply delicious but we wouldn’t be able to appreciate it fully without all that snow around.”

“You have a point here, Caster.” Gilgamesh tried to take another sip, but something suddenly hit the vehicle, making him spill a few drops. “What the…?! They’re still fighting with that masked dog?”

“Yeeees, but your Master still didn’t call for our support, so they’re probably doing well.”

Another hit enraged Gilgamesh even more. He narrowed his eyes and materialized on the roof of their base.

“Enuma Elish!”

“Gilgamesh!” Gudako was so angry that she totally forgot about the cold.

“What? Have I not saved your ass by defeating that masked worm?”

“Yes, but… are you serious? You almost killed us all, firing your Noble Phantasm without warning. And, by defeating that guy in just one strike, you totally ruined the plot!”

“You mean the mood?”

“Both!”

“So what? That mongrel ruined my afternoon tea… wine… whatever.”

“Calm down, my temporary Master!” Merlin joined them just in time, with a cup of hot wine, and his typical, seemingly innocent smile. “Nothing works better for a ruined plot than a delicious wine, trust me!”

“Is that so?” Gudako was still a little pissed off, but she accepted the drink. It simply smelled too delicious to ignore it. “This is a strange thing to hear from the greatest mage of Western legends. You solve all your problems using alcohol, Merlin?”

“Only those which can’t be solved using magic.” Caster winked meaningfully to the girl and she melted, defeated by his afternoon charm… magic… whatever.

…

Honestly, putting Gilgamesh, Merlin and Siegfried in one team totally ruins Lostbelts. Don’t do it.


End file.
